Super-Mums don't get sick!

 

NO I am fine!

My throat hasn't grown razors in it and my shouders don't ache like I have carried water in buckets 100 miles.

I feel great, full of energy.

I don't have time to be sick.

I have a house to be cleaned for an inspection next week. That includes the dreaded shower scrub. I need a glassless shower!

A kitty litter tray to empty and refill with something more pleasant. ( even with a nose that feels like I have shoved a cork up there, why am I the only one that seems to smell it??? )

There's a basket of clean washing I have ignored for a week. it's getting pretty cranky with me, I can feel it sending me vibes whenever I walk in there. ( maybe it's just my guilt )

An oven to scrub out as some little lovely grilled some cheese in it and left the overflow. Now when I turn on the oven it stinks to high heaven and smokes like a train. It sends the smoke alarms off.  ( there could be something to this if it brings sexy fireman to my house.....)

The cat could do with a bath. SHHHH don't say that too loudly or she'll disappear for a month.

Then there are bills to be paid. Unfortunately they just won't go away no matter how much I try to ignore them.

A bunch of school forms to fill out...again! Why is it every time they go on an excursion I have to fill out the same health form? Can't the teachers there share???

I should be loading my car up with the bags of clothes we have filled up for Vinnies. I keep tripping over them when I go in the garage. The OHSW Officer would be after me.

If I was smart I would have defrosted some steak and set up my slow cooker with veggies to turn on for the morning. I am not sick, but if I WAS to feel under the weather tomorrow, a ready cooked dinner would be handy.

Before I go to bed I have work emails I had better answer before I get the sack for taking longer than 4 hours to send a reply.

Oh yes, I forgot I started cleaning out my wardobe and have clothes all over my bed. I was also intending to fill some bags for Vinnies.
Sigh, I wonder how comfortable that mountain of clothes will be to collapse on?

Luckily I am NOT sick so I can be a Super-Mum.

There is NO TIME FOR GERMS HERE!

Top tips for Working Super-Mums

•  ·         Tell the kids you have hidden a set amount of money around their pigsty bedrooms. They’ll have to clean it to find it all. Put the last bit in a very difficult to find spot. Amazing what incentive can do.
  
  
  ·         We all know there’s a hole in the washing machine where all lost socks go. Peg the pairs together before you pop them in.
  
  
  ·         Set the kids alarm clocks 10 minutes early so they’ll be ready on time.
  
  
  ·         Sick of finding soggy towels on the bathroom floor? Colour code each kid’s. Then the culprits will be obvious. Just hope they don’t cotton on to the ability to frame a sibling.
  
  
  ·         Ditto with drinking glasses. Mine seem to think we have an endless supply and go for a new one each time they quench their thirst. Get them each 1 in differing colours. Trust me, if someone sees someone else drinking out of theirs, they’ll pounce for sure.
  
  
  ·         Have a no TV night.
  
  
  Yes, none.  
  
  
  Just make sure it’s not when your favourite show is on obviously.
  It’s amazing what you and the family will find to do together. Games, movie nights etc.
  
  
   One of our favourite games is Pictionary. It’s just hilarious!
  
  
  If they aren’t in the mood to participate in family adventures, you MAY be fortunate enough to get those rooms cleaned.
  
  
  Maybe even combine the first money hiding tactic with this one.
  
  
  Think of the power you’ll be saving if you make it a NO SCREEN night! That includes TV’s, Computers and IPods.  (yes it may kill them )
  
  
  ·         This one I got from FB somewhere a while back and it’s my favourite!
  
  
  Sick of telling the kids to put things away? You’re not alone baby. Some genius came up with this idea.....
  Put the offending objects in a box. To get the objects back, the kids have to choose one of the cards attached to the box. The cards have chores on them!!! Once the chore is performed to your satisfaction, the object can be returned!!
  
  
  I told you....genius. AND....it works!!!! 

A lagging Super-Mum before sunset.

                               

3:45pm    Tiredly rummage for the keys to start the one and a half hour journey home.

My budget hasn’t stretched to a helicopter this week...again. I can't understand why the school won't send one to transport me. 

Shoes off, slippers on. Smiling feet now.

Radio on 3pm pick up to unwind. Chrissy Swan and Jane Hall crack me up. My favourite segment is Mother of the Year of the Week. It makes me feel better about my own mothering skills hearing some of these disaster Mum stories.

4:00pm    Radio off for some rare peace to prepare for the onslaught at home.

Do my best to ignore all the twits sharing my road space. 

Rehash the day's trials and tribulations. Who invented teenagers anyway? 

4:45pm    Arrive at After School Care to pick up Master 10. Find out from Director what misadventures he has been up to. Decide to look into Military Boarding School.

5:00pm   Quick stop at the Supermarket  for cat food and chocolate.  PFT, who am I kidding? No stop at the supermarket is quick. Especially if it involves deciding on a chocolate flavour.

Ewwwww there should be smell detectors at the front doors of supermarkets. If you stink, you can’t come in until you go home and shower. USE SOAP! If you came to buy soap, borrow the neighbours, then think about coming back.

What did I need again?

Oh specials.......10 packs for the price of 1. You can never have too many cotton wool balls.

Have we got enough milk? Better grab some in case.

I can smell the chocolate aisle coming up. OMG a wall of heaven! How can I be expected to pick just one??

I really should throw in 2, it’s almost that time of the month where chocolate must be within reach or someone may die.

Loo Paper with pretty flowers!!! I must have some of that. I am sure it will somehow make wiping my backside that much better. ( I am clearly an advertisers dream target )

Quick dash to stock up on cups of 2 minute noodles. The kids love them, and I have almost convinced myself that they can count as a meal. They have veggie sachets in them right?

5:20pm   How do I always manage to pick the checkout chick who is going for a world record in turtle's pace?

Ignore pleas from my ratty child for treats at checkout. Such a ploy for weak mothers. I REFUSE to give in. Today.

5:30pm   Load car with treasures. Why do I have a full bag? I only had 2 things on my list. Damn I forgot the cat food!!  She’ll have to have some chopped up ham. Lucky kitty will think it’s Christmas. ( not that she’s ever had a present at Christmas)

5:45pm  I can finally see my haven just as the sun bids us goodnight.

Sigh. It’s been a long day.

Fall out of the car.

No worries son, I’ll grab the shopping all by myself. Just jump out and head off. GRR

Dragging feet now, and possibly my butt if I had the energy to check.

Heave shopping onto kitchen bench. Unpack items we don’t need. Who put this ridiculous looking toilet paper in here?

Pretty sure this kitchen was cleaner  when I left home 11 hours ago. Piggies have  been rummaging at the trough again.

5:55pm   Daughter enters and lovingly declares: “I am starving, can we have dinner soon?”

I now know why some animals eat their young!!!!

Who let the kids in the kitchen??

I love baking, but hate cooking meals.

I know, I am strange, but honest. I find cooking family meals boring and thankless. The worst part is wracking my brain to think of what to cook that won’t be met with groans from kids who have never been force- fed foods they don’t like. I have nightmarish memories of sitting at Sunday lunch until everything was gone from my plate-even if it was brussel sprouts, soggy carrots, or horseradish. 

Blah. 

I vowed never to feed my darling offspring such inedible cruelties. Too late I realised the error of my soft meal time approach. What I created was fussy pants eaters. I became sick of spending time in the kitchen after a long work day and a 3 hour commute, only to have the kids screw their noses up when faced with their plates.

My solution: one night a week is kids cooking night. 

That includes thinking, cooking and cleaning. It works on a rotation system between the three of them. My partner is a darling, and usually spends dinner with us on that night. He keeps telling me has a cast iron belly and he’ll eat anything, so we put it to the test. 

They now eat cool things like tacos and quiche. Really. It turns out they'll eat it if they cooked it. We all concur with murmurs of Yummmmm around the dinner table. It's a terrific way to discuss food, flavours and what works and what doesn't. I try tactfully to throw in helpful feedback too. " Honey this sauce is delicious. Maybe 5 spoonfuls less of pepper though next time hey?" 

The down side???  I never realised I had so many dishes until I could see them paraded over every surface of my kitchen. They quantity seems unnecessary, do they breed in the dark of those cupboards? 

The upside...I found Aunty Jane's salad bowl that I swore I gave back. Woops. 

The down down side? How do I get part 3 of my bludging- a- night- off- in- the- kitchen to work?......How do I get the kids to clean up the mess to my standards instead of chucking dishes in the nearest cupboards, and salt in the fridge?

UGH!!!!

Sunday night to- do list.

If you’re a crazy flat out working mum like myself, you’ll probably detest Sunday nights. It’s the worst day of the week. 
OK I know it’s not technically an entire day, but its personality is big enough to be. It’s the evil step mother of the week lurking ominously at the end of a joyous, relaxing weekend, waiting to turn the sweetest, relaxed Mum, into an anxious housework maniac.

If you’re like me, I attempt to have some organisation happening to make the rest of the week run more smoothly. Note: attempt. This is my list of Sunday night jobs: ( feel free to add your own. You may inspire me! ) 

•          Washing and preparing school uniforms. Notice I did not mention ironing here. Ironing is for summer uniforms, and only when the cool cycle on the dryer hasn’t made them look respectable. Winter jumpers are a godsend on crinkled shirts.

•          Writing a rough menu plan for dinners. Of course this is liable to change any time I can’t be bothered cooking, someone offers to cook for me, or the kids ask for toasted sandwiches for dinner. ( Did you get that I don’t like cooking dinners?)

•     Semi tidy the house- this may be the last ounce of energy I have between now and next Sunday night to clean and bleach those grotty toilets.   

•     Check the weather forecast on the news and plan the weekly work attire. It’s never a good thing to add lib at 6:30am. I did that once and went to work wearing two ENTIRELY different earrings, and nobody said a thing!

•     Check the pantry to ensure there is enough recess, and bread for sandwiches. I am not a fan of the 11pm dash to the 24/7 expensive service station for school lunch box snacks. This sadly doesn’t always go to plan as the munchy monsters get home before I do and have not heard of rationing. Their theory- I see food, I want food. 

•     Start stressing about the work week, and how I will get through it. This isn’t actually a job per se, but it seems to be part of my Sunday night routine.

•    This list may be deemed delayed if there is a good Sunday night movie on and multitasking is simply not do-able.  

 No matter how early I have planned to get my head onto the pillow, I can usually add on an extra hour fluffing around. Perhaps it’s my subconscious trying to extend the weekend, and avoid Sunday night’s evil almost-twin......Monday morning. 

It takes work to be a Working Super- Mum before sunrise.

5:30am   Damn, the alarm won’t be going off for another half an hour but my bladder is screaming at me to move it or I’ll be in real strife. Might as well stagger into the shower and  get an extra cup of quiet liquid sanity before I have to drag the kids up.

5:40am  The first mirror fright of the day. God help me, I am looking more like my mother every day. Must remember to buy super strength concealer.

5:50am  Heading to turn on the kettle for double strength coffee. ( my catalogue circled HINT for a coffee machine went unnoticed )

Oh pee-ew.....I thought the kids let the cat out last night. My nose tells me otherwise.  Sigh....I love kicking off my day cleaning up kitty poop off the floorboards. NOT.

6am  Where did that bonus half hour go? I don’t suppose I could start a new towel turban trend at work? No? Ok hairdryer it is then. If I bang around loudly enough it may awaken the sleeping creatures and save me the drama.

6:05am  Obviously I am being too stealthy in my morning preps. Time to pull out the big guns: TV on....woops, must have had it up a tad loudly last night!  ( nobody around to see me flick up the volume control, all good. )

Better get some of this caffeine ingested before somebody gets hurt.

6:10am  How dare the infomercial people be so bright and cheerful ( and glamorous) at this hour. ( sleepily forget that they are pre-recorded ) Promise self to get on cross trainer tonight to obtain buns of steel. Would be happy with aluminium.

6:15am  Right, time to get serious. Into child No 3’s room. No more nice mummy: light on! Creature under the cover screams and moans. I look for feet to tickle. Moans turn to shrieks. Covers fly back. Creature sits up. My mission here is complete.

6:20am  Time to face the mirror again. Maybe I should buy some of that face lift stuff off that infomercial.

Two attempts at applying a straight line of eye liner. I haven’t yet mastered the trick of doing it with my glasses on that I need to actually see with.

Wishing I knew how to make my eyelashes “long and luscious” without looking like I have gone a round with Jeff Fenech.

6:25am  Check to see if Son is dressing and pulling on socks that won’t walk themselves to school.

Slug another cup of coffee for luck.

6:30am  The big decision of the day that all women dread.........WHAT TO WEAR TODAY??? First ask 3 questions:

1. Am I having an I- feel- bloated- kind -of- day?

2. Who will I need to impress today? Is the cute guy at Cibo’s working?

3.  What is clean in my closet?

Okay I suppose the weather has a small part to play in the decision making process, but can be disregarded any day to look super swish in a new outfit.

Accessories are important. You can go from drab to fab with the perfect necklace.

6:40am  Where are those shoes???

6:45am  Quickly slap together a sandwich and do an apple grab. Chuck in lunch box for the hopefully now ready child.

Teeth clean, quick loo stop after early coffee.

Deep breath and prepare.......

6:50am  Enter Daughter’s room. Find poop dropping culprit curled innocently on the quilt. Kiss Child No 2’s head. Sleepy eyes squinting at me, followed by: “ Do I have to go to school?” My reply: ( proving I am now awake and firing on all cylinders) “ Yes, and if you don’t  I will call child services and you’ll find out what they do with truant kids. Now hurry up or you’ll miss the bus.” 

Time for my last mission.

OK This is it. Eldest teenage son’s door. Opening gingerly, just to make sure nothing dead falls out at me. Nope, not today. Hmm smells like there’s something decomposing in there though. More than likely his favourite crusty sneakers. “ Time to get up” is the first morning shout. No reaction will receive a “ZAC, GET UP!”. Still no response and I get to have some fun......press the alert button on my car alarm.  ( even more fun as the garage is directly opposite his room. Evil, yes, but payback for three years of sleepless nights when he was a wee baby )That usually does the trick and has him bolting up.

6:55am  Still chuckling, herd No 3 child into the car to take to Before School Care. Thank God they serve breakfast there or I’d have to do a Macca’s brecky run.

6:56am  We’re off!

6:56.30am  We’re reversing down the street because I still have my fluffy purple slippers on.

6:57am  Dash inside. THERE’S those shoes...again.

6:59am  After another bladder drain, we’re off. Again. On the one and a half hour trip to work.

Is it time to go back to bed yet??